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Salma Hayak
Toe Factor: 7
Babe Factor: 10
Seen: Every time I close my eyes during my "private time" in the bathroom of the airplane.
To quote Garth, "Scha-Wing." Salma Hayak is a babe of the highest order. Interestingly, Salma's name in Hindi means "peace" but in Italian it means "corpse." In English it loosely translates into "she makes me feel funny in my pants." How lucky is Edward Norton that he comes home to this at night? Take a long look and tell me you wouldn't subscribe to the Salma Channel. All Salma, all the time. If I was the stalking type Salma is the type I'd be stalking. If you know Salma please tell her to call.
Beautiful woman
Toe Factor: 6
Seen at: Runways, Schraeger Hotels, acting classes.
About 4 years ago, I was checking into a swanky hotel in San Francisco. All of a sudden, up walks Tyra Banks wearing sweatpants and no makeup, and still looking gooooooood. As I am finishing with the front desk guy, I think to myself, "say something clever.." So I turned to her as I left the desk, and said, "The answer is no....I will not sleep with you." Ok...Ok. I didn't say that. I said "I will be in room 618 whenever you are ready." Ok, I didnt say that either. I ended up mumbling some inane blubber about how great she looked without makeup. Anyhow, she was very kind, and did not crucify me for my ham- handed line. She smiled at me and said, "That is very sweet. Have a great day." So to repay her for her kindness, I put her image on a cheesy site about cameltoes. That should confirm for all of you that I suck. She is a beautiful woman, and I am a piece of human garbage.
Britney
Toe Factor: 10
Seen at: Strip Bars
Favorite Band: 'N Suck
Hit me baby one more time! Britney summed this one up in her interview with Much Music: "I had to put powder all over my body just to get that suit on, and it was so hot by the end of the day I was sloshing all around inside it"
Melissa Toe Hart
Toe Factor: 3 (barely a toe)
Seen at: Sky Bar, telling a guy "No, you cannot buy me a Mojito...and yes, they are real"
There are those that will tell you that Melissa has never been able to transcend her "Sabrina: the Teenage Witch" role. I dont really care about that. She is what the late, great Phil Hartmann would call "SASSY." If she were a ship in England, she would be the HMS Sassy. I love a woman that is not afraid to stick her ass out, tug suggestively at her bikini and look at you as if to say, "I'd show you my nana....if you weren't a loser with a moderately funny web site that has hosting problems." Oddly, the hottie at Starbucks that sells me hot colored water for $3 gives me that same knowing glance. Don't these women understand that when you need 600 gigs of throughput a month, it wears a man down? Can't they love me for me?
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Outdoor Concert Toe
This woman, call her Abby, just got off work at Target and filled up her mini-cooler with Icehouse beer to go to the Monsters of Roc k reunion tour at Meriwether Post Pavilion in Columbia, MD. To tempt the various loser guys in the vicinity of her blanket, she decided to sport her tight denim shorts that used to fit her in vocational school and her homemade cutoff top.
Convention Toe
Conventions are more than just a place for industry leaders to gather and conduct business.
80’s Workout Toe
This is Jamie Lee Curtis playing a sloppy-toed aerobics instructor in "Perfect", which co-starred Travolta before Tarantino saved his career only to let him embarrass himself by becoming a Scientologist. We’re not sure if this photo confirms or dispels the rumor that Jamie is a hermaphrodite with her very own Fish Called Wanda. But this photo can confirm that the 80’s were a fashion disaster.