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Cameltoe Female Other
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Oksana Baiul
Toe Factor: 5
Here we see Russian figure skating champion and AA poster child Oksana Baiul after having her breasts replaced with Chihuahuas . She decided that a more lively and interactive approach to her rack would help get her career back on track. Oksana had the misfortune of coming along after Russia and the eastern block no longer scared us so she never benefited from that sexy iron curtain chick thing that Katarina Witt (who, admittedly, was much hotter) rode to fame and fortune. And she was also overshadowed by America ’s own white-trash-a-thon that year. What ever happened to Jeff Gallooly? At best he has spent the last several years as a mortgage broker in the Pacific Northwest but most likely he’s working construction or in a mini market, going home most nights to pop in a betamax copy of his honeymoon romp with Tonya to relive the good old days.
Rebecca Toe-mijn Stamos
Toe Factor: 3 (Good definition, but shallow)
Biggest Irony: Hosted House of Style
Rebecca Romijn used to be as hot as they come. Then she married John Stamos from Full House (I guess Bob Saget was taken). Nothing makes a woman deteriorate faster than dating a loser. Witness Claudia Schiffer almost marrying David Copperfield. Witness Julia Roberts marrying Lyle Lovett. Witness Cindy Crawford dating Val Kilmer. Witness my mom marrying....um, I mean.....never mind. Anyhow, just look at this outfit. Where should I begin? The top looks like bad shower curtain Origami. But I respect that she let Ray Charles do the sewing. The shorts are leather and form a nice toe. They can stay. But the chain-link fence tights are simply clownish. Overall, she looks like a hooker in Prague. I think a good policy for all you women out there would be to not marry anyone from Full House, Saved by the Bell or Sweet Valley High (although there was a guy that played a prince on that show once that was downright breathtaking).
Big Breakfast Toe
Toe Factor: 10 (spread, bulge, this is fine Toe)
Seen: Trying to be Britney Spears' stunt double
In keeping with our UK theme, here is a screenshot from a British TV show called The Big Breakfast, which we gather has since been canceled (gee... it looks so exciting... I wonder what happened?) We are generally fans of British humor... but only the cerebral stuff like Benny Hill and Margaret Thatcher speeches. The CT Report apparently was profiled on the Graham Norton show recently in the UK. Thank you Graham. Haven't seen the show, but you clearly are a man of wealth and taste. The Toecake on the right is holding up a remnant of my grandmother's sofa and seems intent on wearing it as clothing. Meanwhile, the set looks like an awkward mix of Austin Powers and a cheesy Moroccan restaurant
Royal Toe
Toe Factor: 9 (You have to be born into this Toe)
Seen: Fox hunts, Steeplechases, and other boring crap
Here we have the granddaughter of the Queen of England, Zara Phillips, displaying the kind of Toe we colonists can only dream of. While we here in America find the idea of a monarchy a bit antiquated and silly, it does provide the UK citizenry with ample comedic bandwidth, much like the Kennedys do for us. Zara has a somewhat swollen left lobe providing us some insight into her political leanings. But I have to admit that she is bringing the heat in a way that I didn't think British royalty could. Is it a coincidence that Camelot and Cameltoe are only one letter removed from each other? We think not. When she ascends to the crown, we will all be belting out the Johnny Rotten lyrics.."God Save the Queen"!
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Paul Stanley (of KISS, dumbass)
While my inclination is to ridicule Paul without restraint, I cannot do so because I have some admiration for him. I respect that he has sold tens of millions of dollars worth of action figures and lunchboxes to generations of fans.
Britney
Hit me baby one more time! Britney summed this one up in her interview with Much Music: "I had to put powder all over my body just to get that suit on, and it was so hot by the end of the day I was sloshing all around inside it"
Hooters Toe
God bless Hooters. It provides employment for all the trashy women who should be strippers, but just cant seem to pull the trigger.