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Cameltoe Men's Toes
Sexually Ambiguous Toe
Toe Factor: 6
Male or Female Toe: ?
Trips to the Gym this week: 0
Trips to TJ Maxx or Marshalls this week: 2
Holy shit. This is the prototype for the "PAT" character from Saturday night live in the early 90s. Of course, compared to this, Julia Sweeney's character looks like Heidi Klum (see celebrity toe archive). She/he/it probably works as a rent-a-cop or a proctologist. The Denim Tuxedo look works on this "person." If it gets cold, just throw on a denim jacket and you're good to go. If you need to be a little more formal, just grab your denim tie and head on over to the Red Lobster. The master lock is a good call. It completes the "you got a problem, pal?" attitude. And best of all, the net result is less contact between whatever is in those pants and the rest of us....and that is good.
Schaibes
Toe Factor: 5 (too obviously intentional)
Seen at: Dating your sister
Favorite Movie: Wayne's World 2 (underrated)
It is a very rare sighting when one can score a mullet/cameltoe combo. I am fairly confident that our friend here is from Modesto, CA. No, not because of the Condit thing. Because he is near enough to SF to think that wearing hiking boots when you are not hiking is cool. But he also has a mullet, which says Central Valley. This guy just told his retard friend to "dude....take my picture...I am gonna make myself look like a dork", not knowing that he did not need to pull the pants up to achieve the desired result. This guy is gonna wake up one day and say "wow...I am 40 years old, I have a terrible tattoo, I wear a nametag to my job, and I still have a mullet." But that fleeting moment of insight will soon pass, and he will go back to being the guy at the end of the bar that is way too into the REM song on the jukebox.
"Guy" prototype
Toe Factor: 3 (weak toe, but love the nuthuggers)
Seen at: Frat House, Calvin Klein ads
Favorite Bands: Godsmack, Korn
This is the "guy" prototype. He thinks he is sexy in his purple grape-smugglers (he isn't). He thinks that chicks dig his dingy apartment (they don't). He thinks that no-one noticed the tub of Vaseline next to his computer for those late night jerk sessions (we did). He thinks that he doesnt need those 2 bottles of Ritalin on the desk (he does). That poor dog in the foreground has probably been subjected to unspeakable horrors involving bacon and the contents of the purple briefs. That is a nice image, huh?
California coffee shop
Toe Factor: 6
Seen at: Biker rallies, crunchy Northern California coffee shop/index.phps.
Favorite Band: Squeezer
Although not quite a full blown toe, this shot captures the sense of shamelessness that is representative of the toe attitude.
Camel Toe Girls
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