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Cameltoe Shop
Cameltoe Men's Toes
Texas written
Toe Factor: 8 (one of the better male toes)
Seen at: Gilly's....two-stepping, the Deep Ellum
Favorite Bands: Shania Twain, Garth Brooks
This guy just has Texas written all over him. He probably just finished up a showing at the big multiplex in Plano, and drove in to the West End of Dallas to "check out the honeys." From the big-ass belt buckle to the oh-so-tight acid-washed jeans, this guy thinks fashion ended with Travolta in "Urban Cowboy", which was Scott Glenn's finest work outside of "Silence of the Lambs", by the way. Extra points for the under-the-bar photography. If he had a little more testicular separation, he would have gotten a 10.
American I-Toe
Toe Factor: 7 (which is more than I want to admit)
Seen: Looking in the mirror practicing "sincere face"
Here we have Justin, the ass-kissing runner-up from American Idol. Although the show was generally a trifling display of mediocrity, it still accomplished a lot. 1) It gave losers in karaoke bars everywhere a reason to dream. 2) It saved some guy at Fox's job. 3) It reminded us that actual talent is meaningless in the music business. 4) It continued the growing trend of haughty, marginally amusing British people starring in American television (the tight-lipped witch from Weakest Link). Anyhow, Justin was the kind of guy that says all the right things, tries very hard, and yet you still hope he fails painfully. Kind of like Tom Hanks. Wouldn't you love to see him caught getting blown by a hooker like Hugh Grant? Am I alone here?
Domo ArigaTOE Mister RoboTOE
Toe Factor: 10 (the biggest toe on record)
Seen: Scaring German children to death
Welcome to the Stuttgart Bratwurst Festival! Leave it to the Germans to come up with a sexually ambiguous robot for the kids. The face is a cross between Yoda and Senator (nearly VP) Lieberman. Germany has given us many great things...BMWs, Claudia Schiffer, Trio (Da Da Da), beer, and of course "Run Lola Run" (rent it if you have not seen it). But they have also given us Hitler, Rottweilers and Dobermans. And worst of all, David Hasselhoff sells millions of albums in Germany. It is no surprise that a confused nation such as this would create a Cameltoe-laden behemoth robot. Its dominance pulsates and forces the subservience of all who encounter its unholy aura. BOW DOWN....BEEOTCH
Aryan Nation
Toe Factor: frightening
Is this the kind of Adonis that Hitler hoped to create when he dreamed of a pure-bred Germany? In a land renown for discipline, a specimen like this is quite a find. Likewise, in a nation known for being very stiff, his casual comfort with his awful physique is both startling and refreshing. Language barriers notwithstanding, I think that his hat says "TOE", which makes him a winner in our book. He's a fan of European Soccer, which apparently is their Nascar. First Jesse Owens upstages the Germans at the Olympics in Berlin in 1936, then Joe Louis beats Max Schmelling... and now the most popular internet site in the world has a photo of the new German Male Prototype on its homepage... it really has been all down hill since the Germans burned down the Reichstag building.
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My dreams every night.....
This guy is the reason your college buddy that majored in Psych is driving a BMW. Nothing I could write would even approach the dementia of this guy's own web site.
Concert Toe
This picture was probably taken last Spring on the one warm day at the University of Vermont. You know the scene...a bunch of pasty prep school kids who couldn't get into Hobart or Middlebury dancing to a Phish cover band populated with white guys (sporting dreadlocks) from Fairfield County.
T to the Izzo
Let's get one thing straight. I love Beyonce. That video for "Crazy in Love" is ridiculous. It makes Britney and Christina Agui-lame-a look about as sexy as a Janet Reno/Rush Limbaugh amateur porn clip. I have heard all the knocks on her music, her father, Destiny's Child, etc.