 |
Cameltoe Sexy Ladies
Angels
Toe Factor: 9
Seen at: locker doors in the late 70's
Favorite Movie: The Spy Who Loved Me
Ahhhh, the Angels. Loved these ladies when we were young and they still stand up well today. Is it me? Or does Shelley Hack (far left) look a bit like a man? She has a certain Jamie Lee Curtis-ish man thing happening. Never liked Jaclyn Smith. It was all too appropriate that she ended up selling clothing for K-Mart.
I liked Kate Jackson. But she drove a Pinto. Ouch babe. While Cheryl Ladd is heat, my favorite will always be Farrah. Glad to see that her flippy hairdo is making a comeback in malls across the Midwest.
Mary Toeler Moore
Toe Factor: 8
Seen: Vintage Jazzercise Videos
Mary Toeler Moore Toe Factor: 8 Seen: Vintage Jazzercise Videos It’s hard to believe that this was once the most powerful woman in Hollywood. She had a show that ran almost as long as M*A*S*H*, her own production company (Hill Street Blues, St. Elsewhere, Newhart, and The White Shadow), and, apparently, made some pioneering work in the area of exercise videos. Finding new markets always comes at a price, however, and back in the early eighties, exercise was a new thing here in Fast Food Nation. People didn’t really know how to dress for it. Mary here is clearly wearing some form of “leisuretard,” so that she can seamlessly transition to dinner at Le Dome after the shoot, hence the porno belt and bracelets. I’m sure that the exercises contained on the tape involved a considerable amount of jumping and kicking, thus the riding up of the jumpsuit to reveal a disproportionately lengthy and well-lobed toe for such a mouse of a woman. I suppose I shouldn’t be that surprised. Mary has spunk. Lots of it. And I’m sure that’s what the video was really about: ambition and self-determination, the inaliable right to ascend to power, then ego trip out and make videos that will make you look like a self-absorbed lunatic twenty-some years later. You’re gonna make it after all.
Daisy Duke Toe
Toe Factor: 6 (I know there are better shots out there)
Seen: Leaning over the General Lee
Catherine Bach, better known as Daisy Duke from the Dukes of Hazzard, is now 48 years old. But any guy that had a television in the late 70's or early 80's remembers the days when she could send your Enos on a wild goose chase. Warner Bros. had a little show about a crap town in Georgia that would have failed miserably were it not for Daisy's legs and short shorts. The other characters all had names that could easily be nicknames for genitalia... Enos, Cooter, Cletus, Boss Hogg, Roscoe, Uncle Jesse, etc. The action was lame, the dialogue was miserable, it was shot in Burbank, and we still loved it. In fact, some people still love it a bit too much. Check this out…
http://www.dukefarm.com/main.html
Vintage Porn Toe
Toe Factor: 9 (didn't know they trimmed back then)
Favorite Timekeeping Device: Hourglass (get it?)
Back before the internet, people had to buy magazines like "Rapture" to facilitate self-gratification. Some people still do. But with all the free grime available online, it seems kind of old school. This lesson in macro-economics explains why General Media (publisher of Penthouse) filed Chapter 11 earlier this month. This may come as a shock, but I recently paid almost $8 at a newsstand for a copy of Penthouse (I was buying it for a friend... seriously). There is no way people are going to pay $8 for the same cheese photos and the same cheese letters month after month... "I never thought this would happen to me. I am a senior at a small college in the Midwest...". Now look at "Rapture" - just 50 cents for all the whacking your member can stand. (By the way, the best 50 Cent lyric has to be "I love you like a fat kid loves cake"... gets me every time.) Anyhow, until mainstream porn figures out the price to whack ratio, expect to see more bankruptcies.
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Gravity
What is it about old guys and saggy nutsacks? Every time you see an old guy at the gym locker room they've got two soccer balls wrapped up in an America's Cup regulation-size spinnaker.
Gerard DeparDONT!
Here we have France's leading Gay SuperHero, Jean Paul BelmonToe. "Faster than a speeding Renault LeCar. More powerful than 2 week old Chevre (cheese, imbecile). Able to leap to thoughtless conclusions about foreign policy in a single bound... It's a frog... It's quite vain… It's SuperFrenchie!!!!!!"
Born Luger
First off, let's be clear that the winter olympics consists primarily of hobbies for rich white people rather than athletics. I'm not saying that athletic skill isn't required to perform these functions well...just that they are not sports. Take Luge, for example.