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Cameltoe Toeny Awards
8th wonder...the TOErracotta Warriors
Toe Factor: 10 for dedication
Seen: At any of the wonders of the world
GB Toe
Toe Factor: 13 (13X1)
seen: Any Bull and Bush or Red Lion Pub
Here we see why Great Britain is wrestling with chronically high unemployment and lagging economic growth. These are not college students -- these are people of the age where they should be working and supporting families and growing businesses. Instead, they're in Kiel, Germany wearing Cameltoe.org T-shirts getting sauced with the locals. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!
Embedded Toe
Toe Factor: 10 (we love the endorsement)
Seen: Leading the Toe-alition forces into Baghdad
We are not dumb. We know that while most of you check the site on Mondays for the comedy, there are a few mongrels looking for scantily clad ladies so they can get their morning "Shuck and Awe" session. But when we saw this photo, we were honored. The thought of some hardass US troops taking the time to stencil the Cameltoe on the barrel made us proud and was instantly worthy of a Toeny Award. Now, every time they show some "embedded" journo, I am scanning the background, looking for the Toe Tank. Is the term "embedded" going to start showing up in everyday life? ("This new intern has his nostrils embedded in my ass") Wouldn’t it be great if this were the tank that got Saddam? Or at least maimed Geraldo? Doesn’t Geraldo kind of look like Saddam? Did you know that Geraldo was once married to Kurt Vonnegut’s daughter? Do you care? Isn’t this barrage of interrogatives getting tiresome?
Saddam Captured!
Toe Factor: 1 (for wearing our t when captured)
Toe fans around the world rejoiced following the capture of Saddam Hussein, who was hiding in what looked like my first apartment after college. The Butcher of Baghdad looked like he had been on a 4-day coke bender when they pulled him from his sewer. In a show of patriotism, Bravo is sending the Fab 5 from Queer Eye down to give him a makeover. Kyan (the only good looking one) is dying to shave off that beard and apply some Anawalt Skin Care products to his leatherface. Thom is going to use some earth tones and recessed lighting to spruce up that crawl space. Carson is going to get rid of that drab green uniform that is "so Apocalypse Right Now", and put Saddam in D&G hotpants with an Issey Miyake top that will have him begging for mo in Mosul. And tune in when Osama gets captured. Cause Jai is going to teach him how a firm handshake can scare off prison rapists.
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