TOE ADVISORY

Toe Factor: 10 (I defy you to come up with a flaw)
Seen at: Rio, St. Tropez, and other places you have never been.
Favorite Band: Ricky Martin (Livin la Vida Toeca)

What can I say.....this woman is bringing it. From the tight tummy to the freshly shorn shrub to the exquisite toe display case, the overall presentation is breathtaking. She's got more toe than the undertow at the beach in the background. The lifeguards should issue a TOE ADVISORY. She deserves a cabinet position in the "Bush" administration.

 I have a small issue with the choice of nailpolish color. But that is like complaining about the glove compartment in a Ferrari. I can also tell by the way she is looking at me that she digs me. She cannot help it. They all do.

VolleyToe

Toe Factor: 30 (I am including the girl with the wedgie in the distance since she probably has the best toe of all)

Samantha and Lizzie are nervous, which is why Samantha is biting her nails and Lizzie just laughs nervously to herself in disbelief. They've never before faced an opponent with a toe as powerful and awe inspiring as they have today. Here we can see only a rear view of the beast, but that is all we need to fully imbibe it's majesty and menacing force. For years Samantha and Lizzie have reigned supreme, with their skills and toes dazzling hunks like Karch Kiraly and the fans with equal success. This, though, is Sasquatch. This is like letting Ricky Williams play Pop Warner Football, like letting Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson pitch at the Little League World Series. When their opponent rose to spike the ball, these two champions were staring right into the soul of the monster... captivating, oddly inviting… but terrifying nonetheless.

Stove Top? I

Toe Factor: 9

What else would you expect from a nation whose major city, Istanbul (formerly Constantinople), was the center of the OtTOEman Empire? Remind me again why the Greeks hate the Turks? Based (or baste) on this photo, I'm ruling out everything but jealousy. This woman was probably born in Turkey to diplomat parents and then spent her childhood in a cul de sac in Fairfax County, Virginia before attending Cal State Fullerton (where her friends told her she looked like Lisa Kudrow). That's how Ms. Universe works... and that's why all of the girls end up looking hot but cheesy in a highly American Way.

Editor's Note:
A well informed Toe fan writes - As I was browsing through your site, I came across some false information. On the second page of the "women's toes" section, it says that the capital of Turkey is Istanbul (formerly Constantinople), which is incorrect. The capital of Turkey is Ankara. Many people make the same mistake as you guys did, but you should really consider changing it.
- Love to see the scholarly depth of our fans!

Panama Toe

Toe Factor: 8 (a bit lopsided. but we will allow it)
Favorite Van Halen Song: Cmon... "Panama"

It is difficult to believe that the same country that produced General Manuel Noriega produced this woman. He looked like Craterface from "Grease 2" and this woman is slammin. Just in case you have forgotten, we have included Manny's mugshot from when the Army Rangers put the smackdown on that ass. It is also noteworthy that rapper Noreaga changed his name to N.O.R.E., because his fans are probably too young to remember the real Noriega. And how ironic that a woman representing a nation famous for its canal gets on our site by showing hers? I just hope this woman gets rich from Hawaiian Tropic (…unlikely) and doesn't end up on Univision fake-laughing while some fat old guy makes silly faces.