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Cameltoe Women Cameltoe 31 & Up
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Steamin’ Summer Toe
Toe Factor: 160 (their combined IQ’s)
Favorite Literature: Personal ads, especially “Rich doctor seeking…”
Favorite reality show: Any of the “Dingbat Tries To Marry a Millionaire” shows
Rhode Island rocks. I’m not just saying that because I have a bunch of deadbeat cousins, an alcoholic Aunt, and an ex-wife from there either. Rhode Island is chock full of trashy girls like our pair of toe waving beauties here. Rhode Island is basically split up into two sections-Newport and Providence. The rest is just Kentucky with a coastline. Newport consists mainly of people named Muffy, Spalding, and Biff, who spend their days flaunting their inheritances, while condescending to the hired help. Providence on the other hand, is populated with people named Vinnie, Rocko, and Tammi, and any conversation with these academy award winners is like listening to Joe Pesci in his “Goodfellas” days, but with an "accent" that makes Joey from The Bronx sound like James Earl Jones. The pride of Providence is Brown University, which made headlines once, not for their sports or academia, but for getting raided for operating a prostitution ring on campus. When Spalding and Biff get sick of Muffy and Charlotte, they head over to Providence, where they waste no time in picking up a couple of the scads of wanna-be trophy wife toe possessors there. Why buy another mink coat, or diamond broach for a roll with the real wives, when a case of Bud Light, and a quick glide to Jamestown and back in daddies yacht will get you the same deal? For everyone that thought that crap Andrew Firestone said to Kirsten in “the Bachelor” was spontaneous, puh-leeeeeeze. “Someday you’re going to make some man very lucky” is the blue blood equivalent of “Why are you still here? Do you need cab fare or something?”
She's the one
Toe Factor: 6
Seen at: Please tell me. She's tasty.
Favorite Movie: "The Anna Nicole Smith Story" on Lifetime
I am not ashamed to admit that this toe vendor is a hottie. Most of the other non-celebrity toes are pretty skanky. Not that I want to bring this one home to meet Mom. But she is boner fuel. Extra points for the way the thigh meat bulges around the tight shorts. She will likely end up married to your rich uncle who just bought himself a Corvette and divorced his wife after watching "American Beauty". Then, when you go to his house for a barbecue, you will have to excuse yourself for a quick Judge Reinhold-ish visit to the bathroom (Fast Times reference for you culturally deprived clowns out there).
West Hollywood Mid-30s Toe
Toe Factor: 9
Years to menopause: 9
Number of drinks when this photo was taken: 9
This is the LA that you don't hear about on Entertainment Tonight. People who look like people on TV shows (like the facsimile of Kim Catrall on the right) but aren't. People who have everything that the people on ET have except for the careers, jobs, houses and money. But they have everything else... like arms, legs, pots and pans, utensils, housepets, sunglasses and shoes to name a few. The funniest yet most annoying part of Los Angeles is the seemingly endless number of people with no visible means of support, even well into their thirties. In LA, when you ask someone what they do they reply with hobbies and various activities that no one has ever paid them to do... the equivalent of someone asking what you do and you responding "well, I go to the post office and the supermarket. And I like to mountain bike". And the sad thing is how infrequently these poseurs are called on such nonsense! CTR to all poseurs out there: we know that you're not actually writing scripts on that laptop while sitting at Urth Caffe on Melrose... you're on your laptop drafting a letter to your parents explaining why they should continue to "invest" in your sorry ass for another few months!
LureToe
Toe Factor: 5
Seen: ESPN daytime fishing shows
I’m sure I don't need to tell all of the self assured heterosexual men reading this, but for all the others, this woman is holding a giant Rebel Pop R lure, model # G254 in the green perch pattern. How do I know this? I met her prior to her meteoric rise to the pinnacle of outdoor expo/convention greeter star status. She was a cashier at one of those pay to fish lakes near my house. I was just making small talk with her one day, and I asked how the fishing was? Her response was shocking, and elicited a stirring in my lower extremities. She said, "Well if ya'll wanna just get alota shakers, try twitching a chartreuse grub back in the coves, but if you wanna hang a hog, try flipping a jig and pig with a grape trailer into the stumps off the points". It was like she was casting a viagra induced incantation on me. I couldn't take anymore, everything started going black. And then her beau/cousin said "take a hike... city boy".
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Gravity
What is it about old guys and saggy nutsacks? Every time you see an old guy at the gym locker room they've got two soccer balls wrapped up in an America's Cup regulation-size spinnaker.
Kylie MiTOEgue
Kylie Minogue is a superstar in Australia and Europe. But Americans have never seemed to give a damn. Why have we Americans embraced chumps like Men at Work, Russell Crowe (the poetry-reciting brat) and Paul Hogan while remaining indifferent to this little strumpet?
Catwalk Toe
This is an odd photo. Why are the guys NOT looking at this exquisite toe specimen? They appear to be looking at the big-assed woman in the orange and yellow bikini. If she were a real estate ad, it would read "Fixer-upper. Big backyard."