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Cameltoe Women Cameltoe 31 & Up
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Cat Show Toe
Toe Factor: 6 (bulbous, but not enough separation)
Favorite Food: Lean Cuisine, Snackwell Devils Food
This woman makes me want to vomit. I like pets and all. But the people that enter pet shows are psychos trying to fill a void in their lives. If there were no women, there would be no cats. I don't know a single man that likes cats. Period. But back to our victim. She is mixing up a fashion stew with some of my favorite ingredients.... condom-tight-acidwashed-jeans, a fanny pack (if you wear a fanny pack, you are not going to get laid this year...accept it), a message T-Shirt that says Diva, and a toxic dye job. Why is it that cat-owning spinsters always dye their hair with colors that don't exist in the real world? This woman and her cat are going to spend a lot of years together alone on the couch with the aforementioned Snackwell's talking to each other about how cute Matt Lauer is.
Stay warm
Toe Factor: 9 (deeply embedded)
Favorite Band: Whatever crap she listened to in college
This woman probably has a name like Courtney Worthington or something similar. She probably went to a backup school like Lafayette or Colgate or Yale. She graduated a couple of years ago, and slaves away at some advertising agency, making less than the Fedex guy. This weekend, her sorority sister talked her into going to homecoming. Needless to say, it is colder than she predicted. Her fleece isnt doing the job. So she decided to stay warm by tucking her pants into her fallopian tubes. She is thinking to herself, "I should have stayed in the city. This wasn't even fun when I was in school." But her lack of ride back to the city will force her to stay and she will end up making out with that really nice guy that never scores, but always makes out. Ahhhh, college.
Toe of Confusion
Toe Factor: 6
We've been looking at this photo for a while now trying to gauge how to describe it. One of the larger factors that go into how critical we should be is whether or not this human being is pregnant. We've had days to study the image yet we cannot make that determination. I think that no one could make this determination for sure without a sonogram. Likewise, we cannot determine if this person is wearing one outfit (a very stretched out unitard) or a tight shirt tucked into unspeakably tight pants. The body is almost exactly like Homer Simpson's abdomen and her face is remarkably masculine... sort of a cross between Jose Canseco and Erik Estrada, but with a seriousness of purpose worthy of catapulting this profile on to Mt. Rushmore. I don't know whether the two guys in the back are laughing at her or not (they appear not to be) which makes me wonder if there is something funnier than this in their line of site we should be posting instead!
Double-Stuff Toe
Toe Factor: Exponential (those jeans beg for mercy)
Seen: Being the only helpful person in Home Depot
This woman... call her Madge... could kick your ass without breaking a sweat. She works in the drill section of the Home Depot in Norwalk, CT. Normally, you will find peace in the Middle East before you find someone to help you at Home Depot. But Madge is the exception. She is perhaps a bit too eager to help. Even after you have chosen your drill, thanked her and started to walk away, she follows you, saying "YOU KNOW... YOU MAY NEED A PACK OF DRILL BITS TO GO WITH THAT!!!" You start to pick up the pace, trying to disengage from her. But her tractor beam will not let you go. "LET ME HELP YOU BRING IT TO THE REGISTER..." So you break into a full sprint to the checkout line, hoping that someone else will ask her where the closet organizers are. Why do people insist on prolonging contact beyond its natural duration?
Camel Toe Girls
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Umbrella Toe
First, a quick Japanese corporate trivia lesson. Bridgestone was formed in Japan, and was originally called Ishibashi, which is Japanese for "stone bridge", which was converted into its present form of "Bridgestone" for Westerners.
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