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TOErange County
Toe Factor: 8
Favorite Bands: Sugar Ray, Korn, Everclear
This photo was probably taken at a party somewhere in Orange County, CA. These two scunions are clearly out trolling for skank. Our toe vendor lives at home with her parents in Tarzana while spending 2/3 of her disposable income on clothing, manicures and Starbucks. She will save whatever remains for an annual pilgrimage to the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas, which is like Mecca for people like her. She reels in the guys with her behemoth shelf and then uses her homely friend as an alibi for why she cannot go home with them. I love the guy behind them, giving us a knowing wink that says "I cannot wait to see this on the CT Report." He is about to ask his friend to play wing-man with the ugly friend while he makes his pitch to the rack. All in the name of love. You gotta love life behind the Orange Curtain.
Bud Toe
Toe Factor: 8 (deep.. there are people in the Witness Protection Program hiding in there)
Seen: Getting some marketing guy fired
Doug has been handling the Budweiser account at his marketing firm for a couple of years, and has gotten a little too comfortable. As a result, when the models he had hired for the race cancelled, he called his spinster cousin Nancy and her roommate, Maude. What Doug didnt realize is that I will never drink another Budweiser again because of this photo. Granted, giving up Bud is like giving up midget porn for me. Not a huge sacrifice. But others at the race complained, and now Doug is looking for a job in the worst job market in 15 years. The moral of the story is this: good cameltoe will get you a raise.... bad cameltoe will cost you your job. Lucky for you, you have us to provide these career counseling tidbits. As a result, you needn't feel guilty about reading our site at work.
Congressional Toe
Toe Factor: 14 (will explain below)
First of all, I love that congress is a bicameral legislature. This woman earned a toe factor of 14 because she has two toes... the normal toe as well as a horizontal toe (which is actually more prominent than her regular toe). Elizabeth used to work in claims at Chubb in Warren, NJ until Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge asked her to sit in front of the capital "until the terrorist threat is removed". Responsible citizen that she is, she found a nurturing foster family for her kids and moved to DC, where security experts are convinced her own bicameral toe will confuse would-be hijackers and others evil doers up to no good. Twice a day Assistant Sec'y of Defense Paul Wolfowitz or Pentagon Spokeswoman Tori Clarke will come down with a powerbar and some of that really good kiwi strawberry vitamin water, and also give her a few minutes to use the porto-let. The situation seems to be working so far. Elizabeth sometimes thinks of asking about her kids or whether she can now go home, but is pretty sure that such questions would be unpatriotic.
Eco-Toe
Toe Factor: 6 (Given the baggy pants, impressive)
Seen: Drinking a Chai Tea Latte by herself
This woman is about to embark on her annual dose of Eco-Tourism. For those of you that haven't been exposed to this brand of misery, Eco-Tourism is when you can't afford to have a proper vacation with luxuries like electricity and running water. The sentence "I am getting into Eco-Tourism" is in the top 5 sentences you never want to hear yourself utter. The top 3 are as follows: 1) "Hi, I am (fill in your name), and I live in Jersey". 2) "Yeah, that is my minivan". And of course, 3) "No, no...it isn't a pyramid scheme...it is multi-level marketing". Anyhow, this woman is going to bore her neighbors to death with a 2 hour slide show of this kind of crap. "The natives were so charming... I think they really thought I was one of them... does anyone want more hummus?"
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Gaping Places
Here we see Paige Davis of TLC's "Trading Spaces". You've seen this show... at certain times of day it seems that the only things on TV are Tony Robbins, Carlton Sheets (buy real estate with no money down), the investing midget twin brothers in brown three piece suits and pinky rings (see cashflowgenerator.com...
Lance Toestrong Wannabe
As horrifying as this may seem right now, fifteen years ago it was acceptable for anyone, no matter the figure, to wear Spandex or "biker" shorts during non-excercising activities.
German Farmer Toe
Here we see a picture taken from a website selling thongs to German farmers. What... you didn't know thongs were an essential part of a farmer's attire?