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Cameltoe Women Cameltoe 31 & Up
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Crab Toes
Toe Factor: 8 (as deep as the river is wide)
Rarely does anyone with anyone known for being fit or having good grammar fish in a river from a dock. This hasn't been scientifically proven but is so widely understood to be true that one doesn't have to back it up with research. Here we see two beauties fixin' to go fishin' to catch them some supper while the menfolk are out workin' and the kids are at school learnin'. Christie Brinkley in her prime couldn't have pulled off store-bought denim shorts (denim shorts only work as cutoffs and even then only on .03% of people who wear them..) like these, but here we see a woman with the physique of New England Patriots assistant coach Romeo Crennel attempting to pull it off. I'm thinking that this picture could be on the shores of some river in Maryland because it looks like these ladies are actually crabbing, not fishing, but since these two without a doubt live in a home with wheels there's no tellin' where they were when this pic was snapped.
Beaver Creek (get it?)
Toe Factor: 7
Furniture Store of Choice: Ethan Allen
We figured with most of the East Coast buried under a couple of feet of snow, a skiing toe would be appropriate this week. Unfortunately, this was the best we could do. The thing that sucks the most about winter in the Northeast isn't the snow. It is the cold toilet seat. Especially if you have an early morning grunt. But the alternative of having a heated seat is so weenie that it is actually worse than having a cold ass. Usually, I like to let the lower thigh touch the seat first, like sticking your toe in the pool to see how bad it is. Then, I gradually work my way down until the pain subsides, averaging about 6 seconds from initial contact. It is even worse in a public toilet (what isn't?). The wax paper donut actually makes it feel colder. They should have flannel toilet donuts in the winter. Is that too much to ask? Anyhow, stay inside and surf the Toe. We'll keep you warm.
Sigrid and Jolie
Toe Factor: 18 (9x2)
Seen: Jolie's basement, 2AM Thursday, photo by her brother Helmut
Sigrid and Jolie were the hottest girls in the class of 1992 at Hamburg High (Germany). To this day they like to get together and listen to Ace of Base in Jolie's basement and talk about old times, like the time they went to California in 1988 with their middle school gymnastics team and had a threesome with Ralph Macchio (who was still riding high off of his Karate Kid exposure and paycheck) in an alley behind the third street promenade in Santa Monica. They tell their skeptical friends they didn't go all the way, but they know that they made Ralph wax both on and off. Sometimes they'll get so excited during these trips down memory lane that they pour themselves into clothes from the glory days… like today, they're in those sexy early nineties dress-meets-unitard cocktail attire. Who cares if they'll have to use scissors to get out of these outfits, it works for the picture and it highlights their toes. And it beats the pant suits they have to wear to work at the regional office of Bayer, where they work in adjacent cubicles.
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Junior Mafia Toe
Lil’ Kim is far too talented to continue to rely on her trashy image. Her early work with Biggie Smalls was legendary ("Get Money" is a classic....own it). And after Biggie got capped, many predicted Kim’s demise. But she is still topping the charts. The best song of the summer is "Magic Stick", a collabo with her and 50 Cent (my record company buddy uses the term "collabo", so I thought I would try it out...did I sound cool?).
Super Hero Toe
For the love of Pete.....why can't a day go by without some photo like this darkening my email inbox? In addition to his protruding satin-sheathed moose knuckle, our forlorn hero has added a snug-fitting hood in the obscure tradition of Mexican wrestling.
Sideout Toe
Here we have Michigan's finest co-ed volleyball team. We know little of their success on the court. But we are confident that their performance is enhanced by their outstanding team uniform.