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New England Toe
Toe Factor: 7 (I need 12 beeahs in me just to look)
Seen: Candlepin Bowling
This photo explains why Baywatch was shot in California, not in Boston. The one on the left is decent, and probably talks dirty during sex. She is likely from the large Portuguese community near Hartford and went to CCSU (Central Conn. St.). But lets be honest...she should be a dental hygienist, not a swimsuit model. Apart from the shiny gold Toe, the one in the middle is an absolute disaster. Alannis’ hair. Austin Powers’ teeth. She looks like a mole that just came out of your yard. The one on the right is clearly not from New England. She is probably from Alabama, but worked her way north with brief stops in strip clubs in Atlanta, Houston, and Philly. Is it me? Or does most social interaction in Atlanta and Houston revolve around strip clubs? What a bunch of country chowdah-heads.Anyhow, this cahhh show probably took place in the pahhking lawt behind the Filene’s in Worcester. Dude...that Camaro is cooler than Vinatieri.
Laguna Seca Toe
Toe Factor: High
Cheese Factor: Higher
Let's say right of the bat that there is nothing you could think of sexually that would be shocking or off-limits to a chick who wears a bikini to a motocross event; this is why the X Games should probably be called the XXX games. Do you think either of these girls would say "slow down...let's take this slowly"? Of course not. Now, the one on the right only has about three more years of being sexy, as you can almost sense the inevitability of her two thighs rubbing together as she gets older... so you have to get to the racetrack soon to meet her. The girl on the left has a much longer expiration date, but girls in this demographic tend not to age well so you might not want to linger for her either. These two girls really like Sugar Ray music, Corona lite beer and guys who act like mavericks on the weekend but wear nametags to their jobs during the week.
"Toe Canada" (sung to "Oh Canada")
Toe Factor: 10
I'm glad that NAFTA included Canada... that way this beauty can enter the country without paying a Toeriff. It's about time Canada started stepping up their game... they'll have to produce a lot more of these to make up for sending us Tom Green, who is so bad that he almost negates Canada's previous benevolence by sending us Mike Myers and Jim Carrey. I think the reason that Canada produces so many comedians on a per capita basis is that it's so cold up there that (a) comedy serves as a distraction and defense mechanism during youth and (b) once you leave you're so f**king happy to be warm that you're always upbeat. This might be Miss Canada, but when she gets that playboy contract and moves somewhere warmer she probably wont 'miss canada'. During some of the coverage this week of the Reagan funeral I heard Brit Hume of Fox News asking Brian Mulroney about his unsuccessful 1987 attempt to officially rename Toronto to "Toe-ronto". A shame... he was ahead of his ti
Hooters Toe
Toe Factor: 8 (Hooterrific)
Seen: Bending over to pick up the fork I intentionally knocked off the table.
God bless Hooters. It provides employment for all the trashy women who should be strippers, but just cant seem to pull the trigger. On the other hand, Hooters is one of the few American products that just does not translate well overseas. Granted, the Aussies and a couple of other countries would get it. Hell, the Aussies didnt allow women into the bars until the 70's. But I just dont see a Hooters on the Champs Elysees in Paris or on Leicester Square in London. First of all, they don't have enough boob jobs in those countries to staff the joint. Plus, the Frenchies would rather eat snails than buffalo wings. Is it me? Or is this woman's toe a bit lopsided? The right lobe is swollen or something.
Camel Toe Girls
Featured Articles
Saira Toe-han
I must admit that I did not know much about Saira Mohan when we were sent this photo.
Paul Stanley (of KISS, dumbass)
While my inclination is to ridicule Paul without restraint, I cannot do so because I have some admiration for him. I respect that he has sold tens of millions of dollars worth of action figures and lunchboxes to generations of fans.
Double-Stuff Toe
This woman... call her Madge... could kick your ass without breaking a sweat. She works in the drill section of the Home Depot in Norwalk, CT.